Without a Soul
by Jeffrey Synn
Summary: Beneath her selfless facade, great pain cripples a lost girl.


> **Without a Soul**   
by Jeffrey Synn   
gaiaswill@hotmail.com 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Footfalls fell silent in the halls of the Tendo Dojo. It was, after all, incredibly early; the sun had yet to wake up. Yet Akane Tendo could not ignore the growl in her stomach. She had skipped the previous night's meal to study for a very important math test. So, a few hours after all the lights went out (her father and Mr. Saotome usually turned in late), she took the initiative and headed off to the kitchen to satisfy her body's demand for nourishment. 
> 
> The meal she received was quite tasty. Luckily for Akane, the always kind and considerate matriarch of the house seemed to have anticipated this midnight journey and had prepared a well-sized sushi platter, complete with a note claiming it as her little sister's. As Kasumi's word was typically respected as law, it proved to be ample protection against the ravaging appetites of the Saotomes. 
> 
> With her mind and body now content, the youngest Tendo sister started back to bed in good spirits, eager to sleep off the remainder of the night. She paused for a moment to whisper a silent thanks as she passed by her older sister's room and was surprised by what she heard. 
> 
> Muted sobbing. It was barely audible, but it was definitely someone crying. 
> 
> _Kasumi doesn't... cry, does she?_ Akane felt her breaths and heartbeat get gradually sharper as she considered this new information. _What's wrong with her?_
> 
> She swallowed and knocked softly on the door. Instantly, the sounds of sorrow vanished. The night was quiet again. For a moment, Akane wondered if this was in her imagination; that she had, for some strange reason, just dreamt up this whole situation and that her sister was sleeping peacefully behind the door. 
> 
> But no, the weeping ended too abruptly with her disturbance. That was not just a coincidence. So she took a chance. 
> 
> Akane reached into her black shoulder-length hair and produced a hairpin. She had done this before a few times; it was a skill she picked up in her childhood. A twist here and a turn there and she was left with an almost-perfect lock pick. It wasn't revolutionary in design and wouldn't break any records in efficiency and effectiveness of use, but it would undo a standard door lock. 
> 
> She was a bit out of practice; it took the better part of a minute to earn the clear click that signified permitted entry. Akane returned the tool back into its proper place and slid the door open, stepping in with as much silence and grace as she could muster. She closed the door quietly and turned to the soundless, motionless figure in the bed, who had her face turned away and kept a tight hold on her blanket as if it were a protective talisman. 
> 
> "Kasumi? Big sister? Are you awake?" she whispered. 
> 
> No response. 
> 
> Akane continued anyway. "Are you okay? I heard you crying and I wanted to check on you." 
> 
> Still nothing. 
> 
> _Is she asleep? She's not saying anything._ "Kasumi?" Akane's throat tightened with anxiety. She went to kneel by the bed. "Sister, speak to me, please." She took a few short breaths. "You're worrying me. Please say something." 
> 
> A few more moments of silence. "It is not proper to pick the lock to a person's room," the figure said, though not unkindly. 
> 
> Akane leaned closer to see Kasumi's face as it turned toward her. Sure enough, the eyes were slightly red with moisture trails coming from them. Her appearance was uncharacteristically haggard. 
> 
> "What's wrong, Kasumi? Why are you crying?" Akane felt on the verge of tears herself. 
> 
> The older sister dodged the question. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you? I'm usually quiet with this so I don't wake anyone." She forced a smile and somehow made it seem genuine. "How are you? Did you get much studying done? Did you enjoy the sushi? I thought that I may have overcooked the rice and–" 
> 
> Akane shook her head. "No, no, you're not listening to me. Answer my question." 
> 
> Kasumi continued her usual chattering regardless, "–and I was afraid Ranma or Mr. Saotome would have eaten it anyway and you would be left hungry, you poor dear," her face took a mournful look to match her words before perking up. "Are you hungry?" She sat up and continued, "I can get up and fix something for you if you like." She glanced at her alarm clock. "Oh my! It's almost five o'clock; I should be getting up in any case! There's so much to do today!" she said in her normal flustered way. "And you should head back up to your room and have a few more hours of sleep. Today's a school day and you have a big test coming up!" The girl wiped her face quickly and tried to shove off the covers and move off the bed. However, Akane didn't buy the act and forced her back into a sitting position. 
> 
> "Kasumi." Akane's face was painfully serious. "Don't pretend nothing's wrong. I'm not stupid. Tell me what's wrong." 
> 
> Her target still in denial, a perky "Nothing's wrong!" was the response. 
> 
> Akane shook her head again and felt her eyes tearing up, "No, no, don't lie to me. Please, I want to help." A tear gained enough weight to force its way down her face. "Don't do this. Not to me. I'm your family, your sister." 
> 
> The normally cheerful face softened in its expression until the false smile faded from view. "I– I'm sorry. This was never supposed to reach you or Nabiki or anyone. I want you two and father to be happy, and if that means I have to swallow my tears, then so be it." She placed a comforting hand on Akane's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." 
> 
> "What I heard was not just 'fine.' " Akane paused. "What happened to you?" she asked bluntly. "I may not remember that much of when we were younger, but you never used to be like this. You used to be happy. Really happy. What happened?" 
> 
> The look she got was almost regretful. "A lot of things happened. It's not your fault." 
> 
> _Oh. That's right. How could I have missed that?_ "Mother?" 
> 
> A nod. "Among a bunch of other things, but mostly, yes, mother." 
> 
> Akane's turn to speak. "I remember. Before, you never cared that much about cooking or housework. We just watched mom without really thinking about it. And both of us and Nabiki would just talk to her about what we wanted to be when we grew up." A smile lightened Akane's face as she recalled this, "I wanted to be a martial artist, a fighter. Nabiki wanted to work in a bank with all that yen. And you, what was it you wanted to be?" She paused to let Kasumi fill in the memory, but nothing came out of her older sister. She continued, "Right. An artist. Or a photographer. Something with pictures and lots of scenery. You always liked those kinds of pictures. Taking them, drawing them, just looking at them. Whatever. As long as it had something with to do with pictures." 
> 
> Kasumi remained blank. "I used to think that?" she asked, and the tone was not one of amused recollection; it told Akane that she really did not know the answer. Akane shifted uncomfortably in place. 
> 
> "You don't remember?" she asked. 
> 
> A slight shake of the head. "No, I don't. I don't remember any of it." 
> 
> "What about after... you know. What happened then? You must know that," the younger sibling pressed. 
> 
> More shaking of the head. "I don't know. Everything stops there." 
> 
> "You can't be serious?" 
> 
> "I don't know. I really don't know. Everything just ends when she left us." Kasumi looked into Akane's eyes. Akane found the gaze extremely unsettling. 
> 
> _So empty and lifeless, almost like from a dead person._ Akane instantly banished the thought, scolding herself for her negativity. 
> 
> Kasumi broke the stare and gazed absently outside the window at the first traces of sunrise in the east. "I killed myself the day she died, you know. Besides you, Nabiki, and father, I don't really have a purpose or any kind of meaning." A sigh. "I deserted any ambitions I may have had. Everything is with you. I would have nothing left if you leave me." She looked at her little sister again. "That's why I hate being alone. I stay up the latest and rise the earliest because I don't like being by myself in this room." Kasumi's depressed tone picked up a bit as she continued, "I like a full, active house with lots of guests and food and conversation and laughing." A slight smile. "The whole thing just lets me forget about me and what I don't have, even if it is for only a short while." 
> 
> "What about Dr. Tofu? He cares about you. And I think you two would be great together. You won't be alone." Akane spoke in a soft tone, being reminded of her crush on the local physician. 
> 
> Kasumi looked as if she had never heard of such an idea, though her tone remained flat and expressed nothing. "He does? Huh." The older sibling shook her head. "Shame. He fell in love with a shell, then," she said bitterly. "A robot. Me. Something that is not capable of happiness." 
> 
> Akane did not like the path of conversation. "That's not true. Kasumi –" 
> 
> "Kasumi died long ago!" she snapped. "Only I am left." She shook her head regretfully. "And I am nothing. Just empty." 
> 
> Silence lingered in the room as Kasumi had nothing more to say and Akane was trying to form a new strategy. The alarm clock sounded softly as it hit 4:30. Kasumi lightly tapped it to quiet it. 
> 
> "If you'll excuse me now, Akane-chan, I have to get ready so I can prepare breakfast for everyone and get a start on chores. There is much work to be done today." Kasumi got out of her bed and started toward the door. 
> 
> Akane had to ask. "Does work make you happy?" 
> 
> Her older sister stopped and seemed to consider her question very carefully. "No," she replied at length, without looking back. "But it's close enough. And it's all I have." Silence hung in the air again before Kasumi excused herself quietly and left Akane alone in the room. 
> 
> _So what happens now? I...._
> 
> Eventually, Akane rose from her seat on the floor, still at a complete loss of what to do to cheer her sister up, anything to show her that her life isn't empty. Actually, more like if anything could be done, and Kasumi had evidently convinced herself that there wasn't. 
> 
> Akane walked slowly to her room. There was no rush; sleep would no longer be waiting for her there anyway. 


End file.
